Hello. I am 14 years old and have been for several months. I got my first kiss the day before my 14th birthday and havent had one since. My mother found out and is now putting extreme restrictions on everything i do. I understand that she is just worried about me but i feel like their is no trust in our relationship anymore. I dont do anything wrong when im with my friends but she is sure that things are going on. I have tried time and time again to tell her that i am a good kid and dont do bad things but she has taken it to extreme measures. Im so sick of just trying to be with my girlfriends and having to leave because she is sure that boys are there or something may happen. I want her trust back and dont know how to get it. This may seem petty to some people but it is very important to me. Any ideas on how to earn her trust back?
Thanks.
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5 comments:
Have you tried telling her how you feel? Open communication is very important between a mother and daughter- especially when the daughter is a teenager! I've been in your shoes! I wish I would have been more open with my mom. Even though you don't have anything to confess, just tell her you want that kind of relationship. good luck.
I was in your exact position when I was your age and I hate to say it but it took me YEARS to get a good relationship with my mom. I was so frustrated because I knew that I was a good kid. The only suggestion I have for you is to start inviting your friends (including the boys) over to your house. When your mom gets to know them, and becomes more comfortable with them (and they with her) she'll start to realize that you guys are good kids and she has nothing to worry about. And that will help open communication lines with her, like the first poster suggested. I know in my situation I was embarrassed to invite my friends to my house, because I felt like my parents would be lame to them. So tell your mom your plan, which will let her know that you want to have a good relationship, and ask her to help make your friends feel comfortable at your house. Ask her to make an effort to get to know your friends. Maybe you could even do some things that involve your parents, like watch a movie with them or play games with them or order pizza and just hang out. I think that will make a big difference. Good luck - it's not easy.
I agree with the first 2 posters. If you want her to trust you, she's going to have to feel like she knows you, knows your friends, and knows what's going on in your life. My situation was similar when I was 14, and one thing I remember helping was that I started telling my mom all about what my friends and I did every day. I'd get home from school and just chat with her about my day. When we hung out at night/on weekends I'd tell her about how things went. When she felt like I was being open and honest with her about the dumb day-to-day stuff, she felt like she knew what was going on enough to trust that we weren't doing anything that she'd be mad at. And for the record, if you want her to trust you, you CAN'T be doing things she wouldn't approve of. So be really careful that you decide now what kinds of things you will and won't do, and then stick to it. And don't worry, it gets easier!
I had a few friends that my parents knew really well and knew their parents well and they never had a problem when I was with them, but I also had friend that were just as good as my other friends but my parents didn't know them and they were always more hesitant when I was hanging out with people they didn't know. Letting your parents know your friends is a good step.
I think your mom knows what the pressures are like for a 14 year old, and even though she trusts you, she doesn't trust the people that you are with. Even if you hadn't done these things earlier, she still may have set the same limits that you have now.
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