Young Brides

What age did you get married? Does anyone think they got married to young?

One of my best friends got married at 19 and looking back, she really regrets it. Not because she and her husband are unhappy, but she missed out on a lot of opportunities. It took them almost 6 years to be in a "happy place" with each other and I think a lot of that drama can be avoided when you're older and more mature.

I honestly think that girls in the LDS church marry too young - just in general. I'm LDS but waited until I was 26 to get married. I was practically considered an old maid. But it was the right time for me and I couldn't be happier. If I had married someone at 19, my life would be totally different.

Just wanted to see what other people thought.

Toys

My anniversary is coming up and I'm looking for a little something to "spice up" our sex life. Do any of you have any favorite sex toys, oils, etc. I've never purchased anything like this so I'm completely clueless. I've looked at websites several times but I just don't know what toys are the best. Any suggestions???

Toddler confrontation

Have any of you ever experienced this: Your small child is playing in a group setting (at nursery, in a playland, at the park, etc) and there is another child who is misbehaving towards your child (such as not sharing, taking toys, pushing, hitting, etc) and the parent of the child either does NOTHING or doesn't acknowledge that their child has done something inappropriate?

Whenever my child does something like I mentioned above, I really come down on her. I grab her arm, look her in the face, tell her sternly what she did was wrong, make her apologize to the child and then I apologize to the mother. If the behavior continues, I either give her a time out, or we leave. I cannot stand it when another child hits or pushes my child, or takes her toys, and the mother of the other child does NOTHING!

What would you do in that situation?

My SIL is staying with us because of Christmas and all, and she's staying through the New Year. She has a son 9 months younger than my almost 3 year old- and he is a TERROR! Everything I mentioned above, he does. And she does nothing. He cannot share, he yells, he hits, he pushes... it's awful. He totally knows he's the one in charge because his mom never does anything. She's a single mother, but brought her boyfriend with her, who does all the parenting.

So... what would you do in THIS situation? It's your own family, and it's going on in your house. My husband and I have said things to her, but she gets really defensive. She'll say things like "Everyone has their opinion." or "I just ignore the bad behavior because he just wants attention." Her son is also 2 who still carries around a bottle and uses a binkky. She's really defensive about those things as well. He can't talk very good because of those things, but she thinks he talks great, and that she should let him give up those things when he wants to. She doesn't like when people ask "So when is he gonna stop using a bottle and binky?"

It's been a very stressful week. What should I do to make sure I can enjoy the next couple days without loosing my mind?

Old Flame...

I've been thinking a lot lately about my old boyfriend and looked him up on facebook. Judging from his profile picture (he's holding a baby looking like a proud new daddy) I'm assuming he's married. I'm married also. I haven't seen him in years, and we haven't kept in contact. We were very much in love once, and sometimes I still wish that things had worked out between us. But we went our separate ways and that was that.

Is it a good idea for me to send him a message, say hi, and sort of catch up a bit, or should I just let it go?

Photography

I am a stay at home mother of two. My husband is barely making enough money to pay our rent and some of our bills. I would really like to have more spending money. I also feel very bored at home with the two darlings. I would like to start a photography business. I got a Digital SLR for Christmas. Do you guys think I should just start taking pictures or friends for free/cheap, or should I try to take some classes?

Potty Training

My son will be 3 very very soon. We got him a potty about 3 months ago. He loved it. He liked to sit on it and actually in the last 3 months, has gone on it about 4 times. Each time was a total celebration so he'd know we were proud. In the last 3 weeks, he has refused to sit on it anymore. We got him an insert that goes in the big toilet and he likes it too, but won't us it anymore either. I'm scared to force him and I don't know what I'm doing. We ask him if he wants to use it and his answer is no. We try and put him on it and he will only sit for a second, tell us he did it, and run away. (He didn't do it though.)

What do I do? I don't think it's wise to force it too much but shouldn't he be trained or at least training by now? How hard can I push? Please help. I have no idea what I'm doing here.

Marriage

Do you ever just feel DONE with the whole marriage thing? I love my husband and adore my kids, but sometimes I really miss the feeling of independence and no responsibility. I've really been struggling with this lately. I have SO many friends/aquaintences that are struggling with their marriages right now, and sometimes I just wonder what the point is. I have lot of days lately when I feel like I'm only staying in my marriage for the kids. Ugh. I guess it's just a rut I'm in right now, and I've been married for many, many years so I'm very aware that marriage is a rollercoaster with ups and downs. But sometimes I just feel like running off.

So

I'm sorry to beat a dead horse, as I know there have been lots of posts on pregnancy, but I do have a few questions:

How early did you tell your family? We want to tell right now (I'm only 5 weeks) but I don't know if there is a reason to wait...

We are a little strapped for money, so we wanted to start buying baby stuff now and do so progressively. What basic things does every mom need? What stuff is overpriced? What stuff do you think you should invest a little more money in?

Can you exercise while pregnant? I love to go to the gym but I don't know if I should "tone it down" or just keep doing what I'm doing.

What foods should I avoid? I know that I shouldn't take caffenine, etc... but I'm really nervous because we just found out we are pregnant but I have been taking benedryl at night and drinking/eating poorly due to the holiday season. Should I contact my doctor about this?

Any other advice, insight would be greatly appreciated!!

YES or NO

I have a question for LDS mothers. If you knew your teenage daughter was having sex, would you put her on the pill? Really think about it before you answer. My first thought was NO, that is like telling her it is okay. She is having sex, and you have tried everything to get her to stop, but she will make her own decisions. Would you leave it up to her to find her own protection for everything, or would you at least put her on the pill to protect her from getting pregnant.

Lingerie and garments?

For those of you who are LDS - if your husband asked you to wear lingerie (and no garments) occasionally, would you do it? If so, why? If not, what would you tell him?

Cricut Disney Cars

Help!! I just got the Cricut Disney Cars Cartridge, and I can't figure out the layering. Dose anyone have a you tube showing how to work this.

queenblackwell@yahoo.com

Another tipping question

The portions at restaurants are so large that my husband and I often share an entre. That saves on the wasteline and the bill. However, what is appropriate to tip? If we share a $12 entree, a couple of dollars doesn't seem like enough. We will usually tip $5-$7 for a dinner out, but we aren't sure if that is fair for the added effort of splitting the entre. Any servers out there have any insight?

Restaurant stuff

Is there some un-said secret that servers have about not telling customers the prices of the food? If the prices aren't listed, then they don't know them. I have a feeling they believe if they don't tell customers the prices, then the customers will order the item anyways, which makes the bill higher, which then increases the tip. As oppossed to saying "Oh, this item is $6". Then the customer will factor in the money, and say "oh, I don't need that if it costs $6". Then the customer doesn't order it. So, is my theory correct? Or is it just that servers don't care to learn the prices? I know they are busy and there's lots of menu items, but it just bugs me when they don't know the prices.

On this same note, how does everyone tip? Do you tip if your service is bad? How much do you tip if your service is average, and if the service was exceptional?

Also, how do you order if you know someone else is going to be paying? Our inlaws are coming into town and they always take us out to dinner a few times when we're visiting with them. My father in law could care less what I order, but my mother in law always makes ordering dessert sound like something you don't "want".

Healthy Hair

I'm just wondering what you all do to make your hair healthy or at least healthy looking. I have hair that goes a little past my shoulders and I really want to grow it out but it always looks really brittle and unhealthy when I grow it out so I usually get it cut. I heard that you're only supposed to wash your hair every two days or something but when I do that it feels really greasy and I get dandruff so I start washing my hair again. What do you guys do? Any hair products that could help? If any hairdressers are out there I would love some advice.

Snow?

Love it or hate it???

Family Home Evening

I have three small children and I try to make sure we have FHE every week. But I am kind of in a rut with fun things to do!! What do you all do for FHE. I would love some new ideas or fun websites!!

Date Night!!

Do you have a regular date night with your hubby?
What are some fun dates you go on both in-expensive and spending money?

Whats going on?

Okay so I;m so curious to know where some of you are and whats going on!!
The girl with the "new sister-in-law" are you liking her anymore now?
The "It's complicated" did you talk to your friend?
The "sister bully" what's going on with you!!
And all you others who have had orgasm problems, pregnancy problems, or anything else!! What's going on? I would love to know!!

Favorite Christmas Movies

I'm just wondering what some of your favorite Christmas movies are. At our house we love "A Christmas Story" with Ralphie and the leg lamp. It's hilarious! What are some of your favorites?

Hair static!

How can I get rid of the static in my hair? I use good conditioner in my hair, I use dryer sheets on my clothes and my hair is still SUPER static charged. Even the day after I wash it and the roots are already greasy the ends are full of static. I'm ready to pull it all out! Help!

LDS Question

This question is for the LDS readers here.

Have any of you heard of "Calling and Election made sure" or "Second annointing" and is that something you're planning on?

Frustrated Friend

I consider myself to be a very good friend.  I am loyal, honest, and trustworthy.  And unlike a lot of girls, I'm non competitive, and I don't get jealous when other's do well, or have more than I do.  I don't gossip.  I'm a positive person.  I'm always there for my friends with a listening ear, day or night, and I'm up for anything.  I can look at things objectively and can give good, level headed, sound advice.

But, I'm frustrated with one friend of mine.  I invite her to parties, out to lunch, over to my house, to movies, out shopping all the time and 90% of the time she rejects me.  I don't get it because when we're together she always tells me she values me as a friend and is so grateful to have me.  She acts like she is SO busy but in reality she hardly leaves the house.  (She has a 4 month old, and stays at home.  Where I have a 5 month old, AND work, and still make time for my friends.)  At first, I was very polite and understanding about her rejection, and I wouldn't get offended because sometimes you just don't feel up to doing certain things, now, I feel like she takes me for granted for being so understanding. 

I don't know what to do.  I kind of have the attitude now that "Well, ball's in your court.  I'm here."  But what I'm wondering is, should I say something to her? Such as "I feel like I invite you to various things and most of the time you say no. Is there something wrong?"  I'm afraid this would hurt her since she can be a bit sensitive, and has bouts of depression and I am afraid of losing her as a friend.  I feel that I don't have many friends, and would like to have more meaningful friendships/relationships in my life.  Women need women, it's a fact.  We need each other.  So what should I do? Just ignore it? Stop calling her? Let her come to me? Say something to her? Help!

Question

Does anyone check their husband's email account or phone without him knowing?

What do you think?... this is kinda silly but I still want to see what people say.

I just got family pictures taken by a professional photographer. I also have some "edgy" highlighting in my hair, it's long and brown with chunky/asymetrical blonde parts in it. I'm young so I think it looks cool. My mom is very conservative and I know she doesn't like it. I've had it for over a year, and last Christmas she just asked "Why do you have a big blonde chunk on the side of your head?"

Anyway, after I got the pictures done, the photographer put the pictures up on her site with a password. I emailed the link to my mom and told her to pick out two pictures- a good idea would be one of just my daughter and a family one- and I would pay for them and send them to her (we live in different states).

Well, she emailed me back, and picked two pictures of just my daughter. I had also told her that I was gonna purchase a copy of the pictures on a CD, so I can print out my own pictures. So, she told me when I got the CD she would like a copy of it.

I found out from the photographer herself (we're pretty friendly) that my mom emailed the photographer directly and asked her if she could edit out the blonde chunks in my hair. The photographer said she could, but charges by the hour and it's expensive and wouldn't look natural. The photographer thought it was silly that my mom did that. I did too, I laughed when I heard she did that.

My concern is that she's gonna get the CD and edit my hair herself and then print them out. I know this seems silly, but I don't want her to do that. I really like my hair and spend a lot of money to have it look this way. It would hurt my feelings a little if she did that.

What do you think? Do you think it's funny my mom did that, or do you think it's fine? I was thinking of asking her to promise to not edit my hair if I gave her the CD. I haven't said anything to her about it yet. I don't have the CD yet, but was thinking of emailing her when I do end up getting the CD. Silly, I know.

Here's a picture of it so you get the idea. I don't care if people know who I am.

Who is in Your Fantasy...

So we've talked about having sexual fantasies, I want to know WHO you fantasize about (besides your husband/wife)

I do not have many fantasies, but the other night I had a dream about Justin Timberlake and it was HOT!

When do you shower?

This is for the SAHM's. When do you get in the shower and what do you do with your kids when you are showering? My morning routine looks like this: My husband and I wake up between 7-7:30. I start breakfast while he is showering and getting ready. He eats breakfast and leaves for work around 8 (he's suppossed to be there by 8 but his work doesn't care if he's late). My 2 and a half year old usually wakes up by 8 as well. Most days we're all awake and eat breakfast together. After my husband leaves for work, I'm left alone with my toddler and still need to shower. I usually put on a TV show or something for my child to watch and then get in the shower. But the whole time I'm showering I am picturing the most horrible things that could happen while I'm in there. "What if the TV falls on her", "What if she opens the door and goes outside", "What if she eats something poisonous?", "What if she impales herself with a knife", "What if she's choking". Stuff like that. Nothing has ever happened, but I still just worry. I end up taking really short showers and usually never get around to stuff like shaving my legs because I think I can just do it later... I'm too worried about my kid.


What do you all do? Do you just do what I do and worry?

Question of the week?

I know the blog administrator is busy right now (as was explained in her post), but I was going over the rules of the blog to make sure I am following them, and I saw a "Question of the week" link. I saw it hasn't been updated in a while. I was wondering if the blog admin could start that up again when thinks settle down a bit. Looks like fun!

Congested

I have a cold and have had a plugged up nose for THREE DAYS! This is the most my nose have ever been stuffy in my life. I cannot even breathe at all through my nose. I have taken a couple different types of cold medicines, specifically for decongestion, but nothing works. Does anyone have some at home remedies or anything like that for clearing up your nose? I am getting desperate! I'll try (almost) anything!

Selling a house

Is now a good time to sell a house?

Favorite vacation spot

Since it's so cold outside (where I am anyway) I'm dreaming of vacation spots that are nice and warm. Do you have a favorite vacation spot that is sunny and warm?

Dinner ideas/recipes?

Does anyone have any tried and true dinner recipes or suggestions? What does your weekly menu look like?

Laundry question

What is your favorite brand of laundry detergent and dryer sheets or fabric softener? I'm looking to try some new products but can't afford to by several different kinds. I want one that will keep the clothes smelling clean for a long time.

Christmas Cards

When is it too late to send out Christmas cards?

ghosts

do you believe in ghosts? or have you ever had a haunting experience? i know its close to christmas but im just curious....

Can't we just get along?

Wow, the last few months (more specifically the last few weeks) have given me a renewed respect for the previous administrators. You have to be one tough chick to play moderator for this crowd. And it is NOT easy. Since there have been a few comments directed at me or the blog I wanted to address these issues and announce some of the changes that will be coming in the New Year.

- This blog HAS been a little neglected by me this month. On the 1st I sent my husband on his third deployment to Iraq (it was something entirely unplanned). I then had to move from where we were stationed in North Carolina to our home in Idaho. I have spent the last few weeks trying to unpack, prepare for Christmas and set up my life. (At some point in the next few days, I will actually introduce myself to you guys. But this is not the post for that.) I give you this information now because I have received some “nice” comments about how I haven’t taken care of the recent Mormon bashing that went on, when in fact I didn’t have access to the blog all day. Before I had even read the comments of the thread I was already labeled as being too sympathetic to Ask Anything Rule Breakers of the Anti-LDS persuasion. I ask AGAIN for some patience as I try to reassemble the pieces that are my life, fix the problems of Ask Anything and moderate the discussions. It’s a big job and I’m not sitting in an easy position at the moment. Give me a break, please.

- “What I'm sad about is that a blog run by an LDS person and advertised on LDS sites is actually turning people away from the church.”: Ugh, this has been an issue from the first time I linked this blog with those LDS sites. Since so many of us were LDS, LDS issues were being discussed and I AM LDS (which is the only requirement for this blog to be listed on LDS blog listing sites) I felt it was appropriate to link with them. And I still do since these are all still true statements. I don’t know if you have ever looked at the other LDS blogs listed on those sites, BUT they ALL receive their fair share of ANTI and Non-LDS attention. If Ask Anything is guilty of turning people away from the LDS church, all of the blogs listed on the LDS listing sites are guilty. This isn’t something that is unique to our blog and shouldn’t affect whether or not Ask Anything should be listed with those sites. What disappoints ME is that when LDS members are given the opportunity to share their beliefs and stand up for their side, they either;

Complain
Discuss ONLY how sad it is that this blog spreads discontent, half-truths and Anti sentiment about the LDS church.
Declare those of differing views mean, disrespectful or in violation of the rules (even when they are not) in an attempt to end the discussion.

What KILLS me about this is that YOU (LDS people) have the ability to show the other side of the equation. YOU have the ability to help others understand us better and give US a say and YOU miss it. There was a recent post ASKING for LDS members to give their beliefs/share their testimony of their religion and few took the opportunity to do it. But many took the opportunity to complain, label the blog/Admin anti-mormon/unfair, or declare everyone mean/disrespectful/in violation of the rules (when they aren’t) instead. As I’ve said before YOU commenters are really responsible for the tone of the blog. If you don’t like how it’s going, perhaps you should do something about it. Perhaps you should take the opportunities (as many others of different beliefs do) to share YOUR opinion and YOUR belief. The most powerful defense is to simply share your view point and leave others to do the same. That being said, I want to SINCERELY thank ALL of you who do take these opportunities and who do represent the beliefs that I share with you in an appropriate and respectful manner. You guys are seriously my heroes for rising above all the craziness and keeping your cool.

-“since we all know you are LDS but it seems a little unfair at the same time. It would be nice every once in a while to see you stand up for what you believe also”: I do stand up for what I believe in, but I can’t stand up and yell AS the administrator at those who express a different view JUST because it’s different from what I believe. If ANY ONE breaks a RULE, I step in. When a recent post turned into a bashing of/”saving” LDS people, I both deleted the comments from that side and created a new rule. But it’s not my responsibility to jump in EVERY time some one express a different view of the LDS religion. How fair would it be if every time someone expressed THEIR view that the LDS church isn’t true that I jumped in AS the admin and deleted their comment and jumped up and down mad because they believe something completely different than I do? It wouldn’t be fair. As long as people are being respectful and within the rules with their comments I can’t in good faith jump in. When a rule is broken I jump in and that’s my job. That is IT for my job as the Administrator or I end what this blog is. It doesn’t mean that I don’t jump in as an anonymous regular person and put up my side and defend the faith, the same way you all can. It’s just not my place to do it in an official capacity.

-I do ask that those who are Ex-LDS or of other faiths show LDS persons who choose to continue to be LDS respect. YOU may believe that the LDS church isn’t true. YOU may believe that you have found FACTS that prove the LDS church isn’t true. BUT that is all a part of YOUR opinion in relation to this blog. LDS people also believe that they have ALL the facts and that they have ALL the truth. Let’s just agree to disagree on this fact. If you want to share your OPINION, that’s fine. But please don’t treat LDS members with disrespect by calling them stupid/close minded because they choose to believe something different than you do. I can understand that you may be bitter or disgusted with the religion, but this blog isn’t the place for that. This blog is a place for respectful discussion, advice and friendship. EVERYONE (LDS, EX or otherwise) are required to share their beliefs with respect to others beliefs.

Oy, I’m tired and I’m sure that there are more issues that I wanted/should have dealt with but I’m out of time and energy for tonight. In conclusion to my thoughts, can’t we all just play nice? Can’t LDS people show others more respect and play more fair? Can’t Ex-LDS show respect to those who still are LDS? Can’t we all just get along?

As for the coming changes.....i suppose it will have to come in another post.

Thanks,
Admin

Resolutions, anyone?

I have never been that into New Year's Resolutions, but I think they are a kind of cool idea, so I was thinking about actually jotting some down this year. Sort of as a list of goals for myself for the coming year, etc... I have a few in mind for myself, but was wondering what other people were thinking of. So, anyone who has some they would like to share, please do! Also, for any of you that have had resolutions in the past, did it work? Did you stick to it and reach your goals, or was it completely pointless?

Baby

I know there have been a few posts about baby names, but I also had a question. I want to name my baby after my dad who passed away. Has anyone done that? Was it hard to say that name a lot? Where you glad you did it? Did it feel weird?

Gift giving

I live in a neighboorhood where nearly everyone gives gifts. They range from bread baskets, to decor, to gift certificates. I really appreciate the thought, but I get a little frustrated because I don't have 5-10 bucks to spend on twenty some odd houses. My husband and I are both in school and rent the bottom floor of a house, and usually we are just barely getting by. So, my question is, is it rude of me to not return the favor? I send out thank you cards, but I'm really considering not doing a gift for everyone in our neighborhood. My neighbor said "That's just rude", but I really don't know where I'd come up with $100-150 dollars!??! Please be honest, am I being inconsiderate?

Santa Claus

So, how long did your kids believe in Santa? Do they still? How did you break the news? My daughter is in the brink of non-belief...she keeps asking me and asking me if he is real and I keep saying YES, but at some point do I just tell her the truth? "Sorry honey, I have been lieing to you all these years..." Not sure how she'll take it. My parents never told me, persay, I just sort of figured it out. Not sure what to do here!

Christmas Traditions

I was wondering what all of you do on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day that is a tradition in your family. I am always looking to see what new things we can do as a family to make our holiday fun.

There are several that we partake of, depending on whether we are spending the holidays at our home, with parents, etc... but here are some things we do:

1) Everyone gets to open a few presents on Christmas Eve. One of the presents is always new PJs for everyone. We usually open this gift early in the day and then wear our PJs for the rest of the day. Usually we have another gift that we all can enjoy like a new movie or game.

2) We always make sugar cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve and frost them and all of that stuff and then leave them out for him with eggnog and also leave carrots and apples for the reindeer.

3) We always order pizza to eat for dinner on Christmas Eve - but we eat it on my Grandmother's good china and silver. This started when I was a kid because my parents would always ask me what meal I wanted to eat more than anything - the answer was ALWAYS pizza (since we didn't have much money and never ate out much). So we order the pizza and breadsticks and salad and soda and eat it at the table, set all fancy, in our PJs.

4) W e pile into the car and drive around looking at Christmas lights for a bit after dark.

5) We open the rest of the gifts on Christmas morning and just get up whenever the first person wakes up - usually around 5 or 6 am. We open everything, play with it a little, and then go back to bed for a few hours :)

After that, well, like I said it just depends. Sometimes we go to or have a big Christmas dinner, sometimes we go visiting, sometimes we do nothing.

Anything anyone wants to share is great!!! :)

I don't understand

I have a question to direct toward those who have left the LDS church. I am active in the church, but was raised by a mother who has always had serious issues with the church. She still can't believe that I believe what I do. I could never deny the things I believe, and I don't condemn her at all for her own beliefs. What I don't understand is why she (or anyone who has left the church) cares to spend so much of their time and energy to find fault with the church? If you don't believe it, just move on and search for your own truth. If my mom decided she was going to be a devout Catholic, Baptist or any other demonination, I would support her and be glad that she found something to believe in. Instead she attends anti-LDS meetings, reads anti-LDS literature and is in a constant battle with my father (who is a devout member of the LDS church still) about his membership in the church. Why? To tell you the honest truth, I've always figured that she (or anyone else who has left) must still know there is some truth to the LDS church, or she wouldn't spend so much time trying to tear it down. Especially when she will readily admit that her children (who are all active in the church) and her husband are amazingly responsible, independent adults who are good parents, spouses and leaders in the community.

Where'd everyone go?

No one seems to be posting or commenting as much lately. :-(

Returning stuff

I admit it, I return a lot of the things I buy. How comfortable are you with returning stuff? I will return stuff without the receipt (although I try really hard to keep it and usually do have it), I'll return stuff that I've used if I didn't like the way it worked, I'll return clothing after washing it if it shrunk in a weird way. I believe in "satisfaction guaranteed" and quality products. If I'm not satisfied or the product wasn't good enough, I'll return it. I like it when stores are flexible with returning stuff and feel the same way I do. Like at Costco, you can return ANYTHING! But I hate it when I feel like I have to build up a defensive story before I return something because I feel like they're gonna try and tell me I can't return it.

Like at Target: I bought some lounge pants that ended up fitting weird. I wore them, I washed them to see if they would fit better, but I was just not satisfied and I had the receipt. They almost told me I couldn't return them because I washed them, but I ended up getting a return anyway.

At Safeway: I bought some Christmas pancake molds that ended up not working very well at all. I didn't have the box they came in or the receipt, but they were only $5. I brought them back in a ziplock baggy and the chick behind the counter told me she could not return them because "I didn't have the box which means they couldn't resell them". I told her I threw the box away and used them and they didn't work as well as they should have. She then said that was another reason she could not accept the return because I used them. So, I asked for the manager. She called the manager on the phone and very rudely explained my situation right in front of me. The manager then told her to do the return and she just gave me cash for them.

I just would be interested in what everyone else thinks about returning stuff. Do you return it if you used it? Do you try to return it without the receipt?

Mormon Culture

I have a question about Mormon Culture. I'm not a member anymore, but even when I was (I was my whole life-married in temple and have one child, left a year ago) I wasn't into all the other things that other Mormon women are into. Like, making my own bows (The BOWS!!! SO MANY BOWS!!!), or clips, or aprons, or nursing covers, or jewelry, or binky clips. I was never into the musical Wicked or the Twilight books. I never felt some compulsion to purchase a "professional" camera and start a "photography business". I have never baked my own bread, or covered my house in vinyl lettering. I don't know how to play the piano. I never even felt inclinced to have more than one child. But I do wonder why this kind of culture follows LDS women?

(Disclaimer: I do admit that not ALL LDS women do these things.)

Another baby name one...

So since we're all talking about baby names....
What do you think about the name Duncan??
I've noticed people either love it or they make a sour face (every single time!) and don't comment.
Anyone???

For you moms

Do you prefer the baby bjorn? Or the sling? And why?

Mortgage Refinance

My husband and I are looking at refinancing our home. We don't have perfect credit but it's not bad either. I think our credit score is around 690. I've heard if you have a late payment on your mortgage that it makes it tough to refinance. We have one late payment because of an internet banking error. Do any of you know any mortgage companies or banks out there who may be able to help us?

Iraqi reporter throws shoe at President Bush

Don't know if you all saw this bit of news. I was curious as to what everyone thought about it.

Utah People & This Blog

Why do you all think that this blog mainly attracts people from Utah? I know we have readers from many different places, but a few days ago in the "where are you all from" post SO many people said they were from Utah. Why is that? Also, why do we have SO much LDS/ex-Mormon posts on here? I'm waiting for the day when we have some Baptist rants...

Table Decor

My table is getting kinda old, so I went ahead and bought a table cloth. My question is, is it stylish to have placemats with the table cloth? I have a square table, and I got a red table cloth (I love red and decorate in that a lot). Do you use place mats with a table cloth? Do you use them only when eating or all the time? What do you do?

Toddler has chapped lips

I just noticed today that my 2 and a half year old is getting chapped lips. No suprise since it's getting so cold and try. My question is: should I put chap stick on her? If not, what should I do? I know how uncomfortable chapped lips can be, so I want to try and take care of it.

Good baby names

I am looking for some good baby names. I want something kind of unusual (not too common), but not weird. My husband and I just found out we are having twins, although we don't know the genders yet (although our doctor is pretty sure at least one of them is a boy). I DON'T want names that are too close in sound (ie. Hailey and Halle).

So any names that you like or have given your children, please share! I don't have ANY idea what to name them! Thanks!

Teach Me!!

PLEASE someone teach me how to pinch pennies and save!! I want to be frugal and I want to save on anything I can! If you have any tricks or any ideas please share!!

Neighbor Gifts!

When do you usually take your neighbor plates around and what is "to soon" to take them?

Any other religions

Since we all know there are quite a few members of other religions on this blog I was just wondering-

Which religion are you a member of? Why?


These questions were all posted by themselves so hopefully the comments will be kept respectful and no one will start fighting over which religion is right or wrong or whatever. I'm asking the questions because I'm rethinking my religion and wondering what other people views are. I'd like to hear from as many people as possible but please do not try to convert me (against blog rules anyway). I'm just looking for knowledge and opinions. Thanks!

Being fair

Since we all know there are a few atheists on this blog I was just wondering-

Are you atheist? Why?

is it cheating

I have a friend who is married and text messages a man in a different state all the time. I think she even sends him pictures. Her husband doesn't know. She just told me today and asked what I thought. I didn't know what to say. Do you think it is cheating? What should I say to her? What do you think is considered cheating?

Former LDS

Since we all know there are quite a few Former LDS members on this blog I was just wondering-

Have you left the LDS church? Why?

R U LDS 2?

Since we all know there are quite a few LDS members on this blog I was just wondering-

Are you LDS? Why?

Crock Pot Cooking

I LOVE using my crock pot - especially during colder months. Whenever I cook a beef or pork roast in it, it always turns out moist and juicy. If I cook chicken or turkey, though, it always seems dry. What am I doing wrong? I have tried slow cooking the poultry (usually breasts) in cream of mushroom or cream of chicken soups, french onion soup, salsa, marinara sauce etc...I have tried putting it in frozen and completely thawed, I have tried searing it in a frying pan first. No matter what, it just seems like it ends up dry. It tastes okay, but I am never satisfied with the consistency. Any tips?

Warning: Sex Question

Most men like sex hard and fast in crazy positions while most women like loving and slow in more comfortable positions. What positions and "speed" do you prefer when you are intimate with your husband? Are there times that you are conservative and other times when you are a "freak"? Has this ever been an area of disagreement in your marriage?

Cricut

I just got a Cricut expression for my birthday. I want to only buy 1 more cartridge. I would like to know, if you own a cricut, what is your favorite cartridge and why.

Secret Prejudices

I don't like midgets. There, I said it. I don't know WHY I don't like them. I can't explain it. They pretty much make me nervous. I know this is a terrible thing to admit, but I can't help it. I would, of course, never want to do any midget harm, and I don't think I am better than they are, they just really make me uncomfortable.

I think that most of us have secret prejudices or fears or dislikes of certain groups of people, whether it is based on their race, sex, sexuality, religion, class, whatever...and I was wondering what others were out there. No judgment here please, we all know that its very wrong to think this way, but some of us do it anyways. Since its anonymous I thought it might be good to get it out....

For instance, my Mom is suddenly a wee bit prejudiced against Hispanics. She lives in Southern Utah in a town that has always pretty much been comprised of white people. Recently, there has been an influx of Hispanic immigrants and for the first time in my life I have heard my Mother say things about being nervous leaving her door unlocked and she worries about things getting stolen, people not speaking English, etc...I never knew before this that my Mom had this kind of prejudice in her. She is working on getting rid of these types of feelings, but it can be difficult when you have always been one way and now you need to change.

Gifts for Parents and In-Laws???

Please help! I need a FAST, relatively easy, and also inexpensive Christmas gift idea for my in-laws and my parents. Yes, I am a procrastinator. Anybody have any great ideas? They don't even have to be great; anything will help. Thanks!

Baby names

I swear, sometimes I don't know what some parents are thinking. You know you've all thought that too. You ask the name of their new baby and you force a nice compliment after hearing the weirdest name ever. What's the weirdest baby name you've heard lately? I just heard of someone naming their girl Berlyn. I can't help but think of Berlin Germany! Just not a name I would pick for a girl.

I'm not trying to start fights or anything... I just want to see some intersting names. If someone says a name you have actually used, just agree to disagree. Everyone's taste is not the same, and this is anonymous!

Non-Theist/Atheist

• Does anyone here consider themselves non-theist or atheist and do you feel there is a difference between the two?
• What are your reasons for being non-theist/atheist?
• What do you consider are the pros and cons of that choice?
• Are there any books, authors or websites you would recommend to someone who wants to learn more about this subject?

HCG

Have any of you tried the HCG diet? Was it successful? Were you able to keep the weight off afterwards?

Sweet Husband

What does your husband do for you/your family that you appreciate most?

What do you love most about him?

Age and Gender?

I thought it was really interesting to see where everyone was from. I'm curious how old everyone is and if you are male or female?

Casey Anthony Murderer?

I don't know about any of you, but I have been religiously following the story of Casey Anthony, the mother accused of murdering her 3-Year-Old daughter Caylee in Florida. Click HERE for the latest story on Yahoo about it.

ANYWAYS, it got me thinking......

In our society, it seems as if men typically commit 99% of crimes of a sexual nature (rape, incest, molestation, etc...) and men also commit most murders of either their sexual victims or just random murders or whatever. HOWEVER, you don't often hear of Dad's that just go nuts and decide to kill all their own children for no apparent reason. Mom's, however, often are seen in the news murdering their own children. Why is that? There was that woman that put all her kids in the car and drowned them a few years back, the really nutso Mom that bludgeoned all 7 of her kids to death with big rocks, the other one that drowned them one at a time in the bathtub. What gives?????

I think that ANY CRIME AGAINST A CHILD is the most heinous of all crimes, but to commit one against your own child? Well, that is the worst of the worst in my opinion. I just don't get it.

Of course these Moms must literally be crazy, but I just find it odd that again, you don't often hear of Dad's murdering their kids, but Mom's seem to do it quite often. What do you think the reason for that is?

Cleaning Tips

Please Share any cleaning tips, products, tricks or secrets, ect. I have linoleum floors in my kitchen and I feel like they are never clean! they have that shine to them so i know there is certain products that are best for that but any tips will help! Especially now that there is snow my floors seem extra muddy!

Any other tips pertaining to other areas in the house are much appreciated as well!!
I love to clean I just know there must be easier ways out there!

At Home Work

My sweet husband works very hard so that I can be a stay at home mom. It is super important to us both for me to be home with our 2 small children rather than sending them off to daycare. The problem is, there isn't always as much money as is needed to pay off the hospital bills as well as take care of the regular home ones. Does anybody know of honest work that I could do from home while the kids are sleeping? I can type and use the computer pretty well. I also have a degree if that matters.

Same-sex fantasies

Do you ever fantasize about having a sexual encounter with someone of the same sex (even if you would never actually do it in real life)? Have you ever acted on the fantasy in real life?

Quality pots and pans

Ive been married for a little over 3 years and my pots and pans were horrible to start but now they are really bad, I feel like it is really contributing to the quality of the food we make...anyway Please tell me what brand or kind of pots and pans are good and that will last long. This is something that I dont like to spend money on so I dont want to have to for a very long time! Oh and while we are add it my Steak Knives are bad too! They dont cut anything. so any advice is great!

White Elephant

I am invited to a white elephant gift exchange party next week and I have NO idea what to bring. I want to do something more original than the pack of toilet paper or the huge bra. Your ideas and suggestions would be most helpful. Thanks!

For the hairdressers

I just got my hair done at a new salon. I saw one stylist for over a year and loved her, but moved and had to find a new one. I got hooked up with this salon and hairdresser from a friend who loves her. So I made an appt and got my hair done. She spent 3 hours and I spent $110 plus a GENEROUS tip. When I left the salon, my hair wasn't exactly what I pictured, but I felt somewhat satisfied. Well, over the next couple days, I grew increasingly unsatisfied with my hair. She colored my hair way too dark- almost black in some parts (my hair was a nice golden medium brown). There were parts she highlighted, but my hair on that part is weak and breaking off now. I asked her to trim the ends and trim up my exsisting layers. She cut WAY too much off the ends and didn't trim my layers at all.

I feel disappointed because I spent a lot of money on getting my hair done. I called and talked to the salon manager, but she said the stylists lease a booth, so I should talk to the stylist to have her try and fix it. I did just that, but I am nervous to go back. I'm worried she'll not get it right again, or make it worse. I would also feel bad asking for my money back because I know she'll have to refund me money out of her own pocket AND it would be super awkward and I know it would piss her off. But, I kinda feel that's what I want.

What do you all think?

Christmas card/Religious question

My husband and I are agnostic/athiest and our family is WELL aware of it. We left Mormonism and had our names removed about a year ago. At least 90% of our family is still LDS and a couple family members are agnostic/athiest too. But the LDS ones feel it's still ok to send us stuff proclaiming their LDS and Christian beliefs. For example, I just got two Christmas cards. One had a poem in it about the "true meaning of Christmas" and how it's about Christ's birth. The other is a picture of a church on it with people walking inside that says "Chrismas Blessings" and on the inside says "Let us join in prayer to ask for God's peace at Christmas and always".

I'm sure they wouldn't like it if I sent out cards that said "the true meaning of Christmas is to celebrate Winter Solstice and not Christ". I would never do that because I know they don't believe that. Why do they think it's ok to send me that stuff when they KNOW that's not what I believe? It's actually quite offensive to me. I feel like they purposely picked out or put those things in the cards on purpose.

I totally support the freedom of and from religion. Everyone has the right to worship how and what they want. But I read that the proper thing to do is to send out cards that say "Happy Holidays" or "Season's Greetings" to those with religious beliefs different than your own.

What gives? And should I do anything about this?

Christmas Gifts

Our Christmas is going to be on a budget this year but we still need gifts for our friends and families. Any one have any good ideas for some cheap home-made Christmas gifts? Or just ideas for gifts to buy??

Face Wash

I am looking for a new face wash, I have switched to The Body Shop's vitamin E and I feel like its making me break out more. What kind of face wash do you use and works for you?

Is it Safe?

Is it safe to color your hair while you are pregnant?

Photographer?

I am looking for a photographer in the Vancouver, Wa or Portland, Or area. Does anyone have any ideas? I want a family shoot but nothing posed. I HATE posed pictures. I want a creative photographer that won't cost me an arm and a leg. Any suggestions?

Style vs. Substance

I already posted this on another blog, but a friend of my suggested I post it again here. It would be cool to hear the discussion on it from you guys.
The bishop listened and nodded and told me he’d prayed about it and was sure I was supposed to do it. We had a little staring contest then. I looked at him skeptically and he gazed back with that ultra sincere, ultra spiritual, ultra knowing bishop gaze. I stared back. He stared back some more until I finally gave up. (Stupid bishop super powers.) I sighed and shrugged, said I’d do my best, and later that night, contemplated putting the house up for sale.
Don’t get me wrong, I love to speak in front of a crowd. I’ve always been a huge show-off, and it was like a really great dream – I’d get to be up in front! Every week! Leading the discussion! Sharing my brilliance! (Even though, my brilliance was extremely, extremely, extremely limited.) (Extremely.) How exciting for the people in the ward! They were so lucky to have me!
Then they gave me the Teaching By The Spirit manual (or whatever it used to be called). I read through it and panicked, suddenly realizing that – uh oh, it really wasn’t supposed to be about me. It wasn’t supposed to be the Sue show. It was supposed to be about the Spirit. Hmmmm….
I started praying. I started thinking about how I could help to bring the spirit in. I followed the counsel in the manual and really prayerfully put together my lessons. That first Sunday, I fasted, prayed, and during my lesson, spoke earnestly and sincerely, following the manual, trying to encourage discussion, trying to make sure the spirit was present in the room during the lesson. I think I may have unwittingly adopted a general conference accent. I know I wore a one piece dress with lace and buttons on the front, along with very sensible pumps and nylons.
I was quite possibly the most horribly dull gospel doctrine teacher the ward had ever endured. I didn’t realize this at first. I thought that when people closed their eyes, it was because they were praying, or feeling the spirit, or overcome with emotion. The little dribble of drool escaping from the corner of the mouth of the ward mission leader should have tipped me off. People suddenly became incredibly interested in the Family History Sunday School class, or the Gospel Essentials class, or anything that would GET THEM THE HECK OUT OF THE CLASSROOM. I was so incredibly boring that even my best friends took to hiding in the kitchen to chat during my lessons. I would ask them during Relief Society where they had been and they would say, “Oh, the baby was fussy,” but they wouldn’t look me in the eye when they said it.
I thought this was incredibly unfair. After all, left to my own purposes I would have been somewhat entertaining and engaging. I was only being boring because I was trying to do what was right. I was being reverent, dang it. My rep was getting sullied because of my EXTREME RIGHTEOUSNESS. I wanted to quit. I asked to quit. I cried in the bishop’s office and made harassing phone calls to the Sunday School President begging them to let me out of the calling.
They left me in for another year. (I loved that bishop to pieces, really I did, but he was one sadistic man. I suppose he thought I was learning something. Or the ward was. Or he had a twisted sense of humor. Or something.) Once they finally released me they stuck me in the nursery where the worst damage I could do was to put a bunch of two year olds to sleep.
Two years later, in a new ward, I was called to be the Teachings for our Times instructor in Relief Society. I was excited about the calling. My testimony was scraping along the bottom of the proverbial barrel at the time, but I felt sure it was something I could do, because most lessons contained things that I could definitely agree with, things that I could get on board with. And I was not going to make the same mistake twice. I was determined to have the BEST class, the most interesting, engaging, fantastic TOFT class that any ward had ever seen, EVER.
I KILLED as a TFOT teacher. I entertained, I told jokes, I brought treats, we sang songs… I practically tap danced in front of the group each month - anything to entertain, to wow the crowd. I was a master at getting the group participating in lively and edifying discussions. I could make people cry at the drop of a hat. It was like half an hour of stand-up comedy, interspersed with comments and discussion from the crowd. After every lesson, I’d have a crowd of people surrounding me, telling me it was such a great lesson, they loved it so much, I was such a great teacher. I spoke in church, because I was “such a great speaker,” and people ate that up with a spoon too. They felt the spirit, they were touched, they loved what I had to say.
The problem was it was completely and totally manipulative. It was all about wanting them to like me, and had almost nothing to do with wanting them to feel the spirit. I felt like a fraud. I hated when people told me they felt the spirit. I didn’t understand this, because if there was one thing I was fairly sure of, it was that I didn’t have the spirit with me, or at least I couldn’t feel it much at all.
I felt dishonest - a huge lying liar who lies. I was really struggling with what I believed, with getting answers to my prayers, with figuring out what was true and what was not, and I did not understand how, every week, all of these good people, these righteous people, were completely fooled by my little act. How could they feel the spirit when I couldn’t feel it? Were they being led astray? I was teaching good things, I was teaching the lessons, I was telling them the right things. I was just – also spiritually bankrupt. Did it matter? Was the Spirit working through me anyway?
I know there is a happy medium between the two extremes, that you can have teachers who are both engaging AND spiritual. But now, when I hear people say, “This speaker was so great, I really felt the Spirit,” I always wonder. Did they? Is it cult of personality? Is it the Spirit? Is it a little of both? How can you tell the difference between emotion and spirituality? Can you? How can we be sure we are being touched by the Spirit and not being affected by personal charisma or a powerful turn of phrase? Does it matter? If the fruits are good, does it matter if they’ve fallen from a spiritually crippled tree?

Temple Recommend Questions

I recently had an interview to renew my temple recommend. The stake president got to the question of "do you affiliate or associate with any organizations that believe things that are contrary to the church's teachings?" (Or however it's phrased) Out of curiousity, I asked the Stake President what he groups he thought classified as part of those groups that are contrary. He informed me that he believed that at some point any one who is registered or votes as a Democrat will be considered affiliating with an organization that believes things that are contrary to the teachings of the church. This shocked and floored me. (He didn't know that I AM a Democrat). It seems unfair that I could be prevented from having a recommend because I vote Democrat. I sincerely believe that the democrat party aligns more correctly with my belief and interpretation of the gospel. It seems ridiculous that at some point in the future I could be considered unworthy to enter the temple because I choose to have different political beliefs.
Can this really happen? And what am I supposed to do if I lose my temple recommend because I'm a democrat?

I Am A Humanist

I am a Humanist and was just wondering, are there any other Humanists who read the blog? If so, have you always considered yourself a Humanist?

Bra Help!!

I cannot find a bra that I like. I always like my bra right after I get it but after 6 months it's awful. Either it's not too tight enough and my boobs slip out the bottom or the straps stretch really badly or it buckles when I put it on the tightest setting (I'm a 32B but it's really hard to find that size so I get a 34B which is too big for my back). Also, I have a hard time getting them to not slide all over top of my garments! Grrr!
Do you have a favorite bra?

Live in Utah -- for Mormons

I have a question:
If you do not live in Utah, would you move there and raise your family there?
If you do, do you wish you lived somewhere else?

Hard Anodized Pots and Pans

I just got a new set of pots and pans that are hard anodized. I know that hard anodized needs to be washed carefully, but how? Can I still use a soft sponge? Dish soap?

Holiday Card Etiquette

So I have a question. I saw a segment on the Today Show about Holiday cards. The "specialist" on the show said it was ok to not send a Holiday card to those who have not sent you a card for two Christmas' in a row. I'm just asking because I really have no idea. Does that include family? Like aunts and uncles who don't send you Christmas cards and you never see? .... Should you still send them one? What do you think? Because I need to edit my Holiday card mailing list if that's the case.

Where are you from?

Where are you from!? I want to see which area of the world blogs the most!

Light Makeup

I have SUPER light skin and I can't seem to find a concealer that isn't too dark. I've tried sheer cover, and pretty much everything you can buy at the drug store (including the expensive ones that start out white and then blend with your natural skin tone) and everything is just too dark! I'm not all for tanning because skin cancer runs in my family so doing that is not in the question. I've seen plenty of celebrities with beautiful pale skin (Nicole Kidman) and I have to wonder what makeup they are using. Anyone know?

Depression

I need some advice about how I can feel better. The situation is that I'm a stay at home mom with one child and I am seriously depressed. I have been putting my life on hold to raise my child so my husband could go through grad school full time. He's done with school now and starting work full time. I am not LDS, and live in a new area where I don't know many people. I myself am in the middle of school. I had been working on it before my child was born and had to stop as my child got older. I have not worked or gone to school in a couple years-before this I always worked full time and was excelling in school. I feel like I have no life and no identity. My life has been on hold for many years while my husbands life has moved on and progressed in school and work. I love my husband very much, but my depression is beginning to strain our relationship. I have been nagging at him unnecessarily and he expressed that the situation is getting old and hard to deal with.

The fact that this is happening is making it worse, I am starting to get insecure now and worry that he is falling out of love with me. I plan on going back to school full time and putting my child in preschool within the next year. I feel when that happens my life will get a little on track, but I don't think my marriage can wait that long. I sit at home and worry about what might go on at my husband's work. I hear all the time of men falling in love or into temptation with the women they work with. I fear that my husband might be flirting with other women or more. I really have no reason to think this, it's just paranoia or something. I sit at home and look at all the things my husband did or didn't do that upset me. When he comes home from work, he's tired and I usually bring up something he did that bothered me. I need to stop this. I get so depressed I have no desire to do anything and get physically ill to my stomach. I need to feel like the confident and positive woman he married. Any advice??? I need help!

Give-aways?

I was wondering if anyone knew of any fun blog give-aways that are currently going on? I figured there would be a bunch out there between now and Christmas and I'm always up for winning free stuff!

Masturbation

I have been thinking about doing something like this for a long time. I have a secret, a terrible one, one that only me and 5 bishops know about and it’s killing me. I can’t get past this, and I can’t change.
So I want to try something new. I am LDS. In my 20’s. I am a female and I have a problem with self-stimulation. Masturbation. I hate that word. It’s so vile. It’s something I have struggled with for almost 4 years now and I want to quit but I need some help. Do any of you have any experience with this? What's your advice in helping me to overcome this problem?

Move to SLC?

I’m not a member of the LDS church. My mom was, actually, and I still have second cousins in SLC. So, I’m not completely ignorant of the religion.
But all that’s irrelevant, really. I’m a liberal West-coast mom contemplating a move to SLC because of a possible trasnfer of my husband’s job. I’ve heard stories that it’s a terrible idea to raise non-LDS kids there, that they’ll be completely ostracized by LDS families, have no friends, etc. etc. Is this true? What will life by like for my NON-lds family in SLC?

LDS Church Dress Code

I converted to Mormonism about 6 years ago, and there is something that has always bugged me a little. I often wear pants to church. Not jeans, not sweats, not scrubs, but well tailored wool or linen dress slacks paired with a nice blouse and tasteful accessories. Why do I wear pants? Because 1) they’re modest 2) they’re dressy 3) they spare my ward the sight of my pasty un-shaven legs 4) I abhor pantyhose and 5) because I feel like it. However, over the years, I have heard numerous lessons and talks about appropriate attire during visits to the temple, sacrament meeting, church meetings, etc. and apparently I am greatly mistaken in thinking that pants are an appropriate thing for a woman to wear to church. What’s the official word on this? Am I crazy for thinking I can wear pants inside the chapel? What’s so wrong with pants? I highly doubt that its because they are too casual. I think if they can allow denim skirts and flip flops, they can allow nice pants. Is it a problem with what pants symbolize for women? Someone please tell me what the big deal is.

Spiritual Help

I am usually so strong and I have always had so much faith but lately I am having such a hard time finding time to kneel down and talk to my Heavenly Father. By the time my kids get to bed I'm so exhausted I can't even think straight to pray. I don't love reading scriptures and I wish I did. I just need some of you to lift me up with some experiences, your testimony, your favorite talk/quote or anything that will help me get out of this slump. I want my strength back but I just feel so lost.

Christmas Letters

You know the Christmas letters that you get in the mail with Christmas cards every year? I'm trying to decide if I should do one this year. Sometimes I think they tend to be boring or "braggy" - neither of which I want to be. But at the same time, it does seem like a good way to catch family and friends up on what is going on. What do you think of Christmas letters? If you think they are okay, do you have any suggestions on how to write an interesting/non-braggy one?

New Sister-In-Law

My brother in law recently got married to "the perfect girl." I don't know why, but I am insanely jealous of her! She is beautiful, smart, friendly, always kind, and my in-laws all LOVE her. I guess I feel like I have just been replaced! I know that sounds so petty and immature, but that's just the way I feel. I look at everything about her - the way she dresses, does her hair and make up, acts, decorates their home, EVERYTHING - and I just feel like I am so stupid next to her. I have a hard time being her friend because of this. I'm not rude to her or anything, but I have a hard time warming up to her. What should I do?

Moms of Toddlers

I have a 16 month old little boy, and I am just looking for some ideas on how to keep him busy during the day. He is well behaved, but just seems a little bored a lot of the time. He has toys and books, and I try to keep him entertained but he just seems so bored with me!
What do those of you with toddlers do to keep them busy and entertained? (Besides TV or videos!)

Orgasm or Not?

I have been married for just over a year now. My husband had no sexual experience prior to our honeymoon, and myself, very little. I ENJOY sex, I'm just not convinced I am climaxing to a full orgasm. It feels good and tingly for a few seconds, but how do I know what a full orgasm feels like?

We aren't shy or in some sort of boring routine. We still have sex at LEAST 3 times a week. We enjoy oral and always have a good amount of time devoted to foreplay. I'm not naive, I know my anatomy and so does my husband.

How do I know if I'm missing out on the big "O?"

Tithing!

So I am really having a hard time with this because I am a full tithe payer with the income I make but my husband is not. However, I am the one that pays all the bills so I make out the checks every month. Sometimes he gets upset and frustrated with the amount of tithing he needs to pay and thinks that if we pay it we will not have enough money for bills. I on the other hand know with all my heart that the Lord will provide for us if we are faithful. So here is my question. Do I just pay tithing on what I make and let him make his choice or because I pay the bills do I just pay tithing on his income as well? What do most of you do? I don't want him to be upset but I also want to receive all the blessings from paying full tithing!! HELP!

Let's hear your de-conversion story!

This post is for sharing your de-conversion stories. Any church/religion, LDS or not...this is an open thread to anyone who wants to share their story!

The other post has been fairly respectful (I haven't seen any judging or rude comments made) and I hope this one can be too.

Close by

I realize that this is a sensitive subject, but if anyone would like to share, I'd appreciate it! I was wondering if anyone who has lost a loved one had an experience/s with them after they had passed away. I know it's personal, so please don't go into detail if your uncomfortable. I just wish it would happen to me, and would love to know if anyone has experienced it.

Mixes in a Jar Recipes

I am looking for some good receipes for Mixes in a Jar. Do you have any good cookie dough, pancake, bread, etc. mixes you can put in jars and gift out to friends and neighbors?

It's complicated.

I'm a momma of one 8 year old girl and two 4 year old boys. My next door neighbor had three children, ages 8,5, & 3. Our children are best friends, especially the 8 year old girls. They have been friends for 4 years and my neighbor and I switch babysitting, etc... I love having a neighbor who I can trust with my kids.

Last night my neighbor told me that her and her husband had just decided to adopt. They have always wanted to, and were looking into orphanages. They found a 7 year old boy in Africa and decided to adopt him. However, he and his brother (twelve years old) are both in the orphanage and my neighbor, being big-hearted, decided to take them both. She didn't want to split the siblings.

Their adoption went through this weekend, which is why she decided to tell us last night. They have never met the boys, but will be going out to get them in March. Last night as they were telling us, I was extremely excited and happy for them. Then they dropped the bomb. Both boys were sexually abused and have HIV. I felt a pit in my stomach. (I used to work at a safe house in Denver were I was a secretary for a government home that helped sexually abused children. They BIGGEST problem we had was that children who are sexually abused tend to abuse other children sexually. It's a sad and vicious cycle. I know, all too well, the dangers of sexually abused kids. )

I am scared that these boys will hurt my daugter sexually. I know we don't live in the dark ages, but I'm also scared because they have HIV. Just last week my neighbors kid fell in our back yard and got blood all over the swing set. I don't know what to do, because I don't feel that my children are safe anymore at my neighbors home, but we have such a close relationship that I don't know how to tell her. My neighbor is worried that others will be racial towards them (their family is white) and I don't want her to think that this is a race issue. It's not. It's the safety of my babies...

Good books......

I LOVE to read, and to keep my sanity, I need to be in the middle of a good book, with another one waiting for me. I am in a slump. I need some suggestions for some good books to read. Everyone please leave a comment with some of your favorite books listed. Just incase people were thinking of listing these, I have already read: Harry Potter series, Twilight series, Work and the Glory (and several other Gerald N. Lund books), and most of Dan Browns books (Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons, etc.) Thanks everyone!

Let's hear your conversion story!

It seems like the focus lately has been on LDS research and history. I want to hear a little about the spiritual side of things since to me that is the only factor that matters.

Are you a convert to the LDS church? Please share your conversion story!
Have you had a "miracle" happen in your life? Even if it's just something small.

Let's focus on the spirit, especially since this is a month where we are celebrating Christ!

Blog troubles

Does anyone know why when I post pictures some of them are able to be "clicked on" and enlarged and others are not? I post my pictures pretty small but that's because I know anyone can click on them and make them open in a new window, bigger. When I post, unfortunately, some can be enlarged and others can't. Why is this?

Cleaning Comforters

On a lighter note..... Does anyone know how to clean a king sized down comforter? It's way too big to fit in my washing machine and I'm afraid that'd ruin it anyways. Do you dry clean them or just get new ones when they get dirty? If you do get it dry cleaned, how much does that cost?

Crazy!

What is the craziest thing you've ever done in your life and would you do it again?

Share your secret presents here!

Do you have the perfect secret gift for someone this year? Maybe it's something meaningful to you like a handmade quilt for your grandmother or maybe just something fun like a Wii? Is there a gift you can not wait to give someone so you can watch their face light up? What is it? Who is it for? We can spill the beans here because it's anon!

For me it's a family photo book I've been working on for weeks, it's for my family but they have no clue!

What color are you?

I'm interested in what "color" people here are. This is NOT a racist post so please try to refrain from making it one and just behave. ;) I'm talking about The Color Code.

http://www.colorcode.com/

They have a personality test that can tell you what color you are and very interesting info about your personality. I have heard many people mention "I'm a peace-maker" so I wonder if their test will result in them being a "white" according to the codes. But I have seen some comments that seem to have very red personalities as well. It's so wonderful to see so many different personalities here! I hope the blog remains as is. So, again...What color are you?

Snow?

What do you think of snow? Is it something you look forward to? Wish it would stay in the mountains where it looks nice and you can visit it if you feel like it? Or can't wait to have it in your yard?

Decreasing gas prices

Is anyone else happy to see the decreasing gas prices? What is the lowest you've seen and in what area?

Favorite part of the holidays?

What is your favorite part of the holidays?

Debt Management

Has anyone ever used some type of debt management they found on the Internet to lower their interest rates on CC or lower their CC payments? Like /www.incharge.org/ or anything like it? Just curious?

LDS Ask Anything Blog

Well, after all of the drama last night I have been doing a lot of thinking. I know that I have stood firm on keeping this blog open to every one. And I still feel that it is best to keep things open.

BUT I can see the side of those wanting a LDS blog. They want to have advice on LDS issues from LDS people. And that's ok. So what I am considering is making a section of this blog designed specifically for LDS Issues and Doctrine. It will have similar rules but there will probably be a lot of new ones as well. I am willing to do this and come up with some boundaries to keep things from being offensive to every one. But I want your feedback and what you think of having a LDS section specifically for LDS doctrine/issues. It won't be another blog, simply an extension of the existing blog.

I actually had already been pondering making some new extensions of this blog for other groups of people. Perhaps, creating some Ask Anything support groups and even a Ask Anything Workshop. Though I wasn't going to put any of this out there until January. So, I am open to creating other "sections" of ask anything for issues pertaining to groups who need support, advice, etc. about a certain issue. (like for women who's husbands have had affairs or for those with eating disorders) I also thought that creating a workshop where you could learn how to do things like make a pie, change a tire, make a quilt, etc. etc.

Any way, I was already thinking in that direction. But from all the drama recently I think it's a good time to get your opinions on these new changes.

Would you like to see sections of Ask Anything for support and advice pertaining to a specific problem/issue/religion?

Would you like to see workshops where you can learn/teach some new skills?

Any other suggestions?

DRAMA

So everyone has some sort of "drama" in their life... You can never get away from it no matter how hard you try. So what is your drama in your life?

AND are you the type of person that loves drama and will throw gasoline on the fire or are you the peacemaker that can't take the stress?

Any Christmas gift ideas for neighbors/friends?

I always take Christmas gifts around to my neighbors, ladies I visit teach, friends, etc. I am lost this year on what to take/make. Last year I made homemade candles and they didn't turn out as well as I would have liked. Does anyone have any ideas of a cheap (up to $5 per gift) but classy/cute/crafty gift? What are you giving this year? What have you done in the past that you liked or what have you received that you liked? I would love any ideas! Thanks!

Blog Rules of Ask Anything

There are a lot of different people from every walk of life participating in some way on this blog. Since things can get passionate we ask that:
1. Posts and comments be written in a spirit of tolerance and respect for other participants.

2. No mudslinging or personal attacks toward posters, commenters and the administrator. "I disagree" is fine. "I think you are totally, 100% wrong" is okay. "I think you're a stupid idiot" is not. It is also unacceptable to attack another's strength in the faith of their choice or rightness of their political beliefs. If you're smart enough to blog, you can find a different way to make your point.

3. No Ads or Plugs in posts or comments EXCEPT those specified by the blog Administrator.

4. No libel, defamation or copyright violations.

5. Please do NOT "announce" you will no longer be reading or participating on this blog. Please just leave peacefully and allow others who enjoy it to continue to do so.

6. DO NOT DELETE POSTS OR COMMENTS.

As the Administrator, I reserve the right to delete posts or comments that do not abide by the rules.

Women did hold the Priesthood in JS day

I've been reading a lot about the priesthood and was surprised to find out that women did in fact hold the priesthood in Joseph Smith's day. If it was okay with JS (the 1st prophet!) then why would it now be reserved for males only? I had not heard of women holding the priesthood before and every member I've asked has never heard of it but doing a tiny bit of research I have found that it is true. So I'm confused. Any opinions? If they held the priesthood before they should still be able to, I do not think God would give them the priesthood and then take it away from anyone. The sister missionaries would be able to baptise the people they teach if they held it but instead they do all the same work the male missionaries do and then a male member does the baptisms.

This is just one of the sources I got my information from.

http://www.lds-mormon.com/01220259.shtml

Bulimia

What do you think about bulimia among teenagers? Is it a big problem? Small problem? Ignored? What should be done to help people with bulimia?

Help!

I have been LDS for 30 years, my entire life. Ten years ago I married a man who had converted to the church 2 years prior when he met me. He continued to live Mormon principles and participate in the church until 3 years after we were married or 7 years ago. At that time he had his name removed and will have nothing to do with the LDS church, in fact, he is anti. He will, however, allow me to take our two children ages 5 and 8 years to church every Sunday b/c he has not attended a church regularly since he left the LDS church and now considers himself an Atheist. He will not support the LDS teachings and when I try to teach my children about religion or they are given religious literature, he makes sure it does not contain Mormon undertones. He also will make snide remarks about the church to the children. My husband sincerely does not believe in the LDS doctrine.I have continued to attend the LDS church with my children faithfully and regularly since my husband left. Although I have put great effort into being a dedicated Mormon (as much as I can be with my husband constantly harassing me about my faith), I am now concerned about my children’s faith. The children are now aware that their father does not believe in Jesus and gets to sleep in every Sunday and they wonder why they have to go to church. I am unable to control my children in church. I can not even take them into the chapel b/c they talk really loud and will run around. I, therefore, choose to sit in the foyer with them so they will not disrupt everyone and I still have difficulty controlling them. On Sunday mornings it often takes me 30 minutes or longer to round them up for church. They hide under the bed, run away from me, won’t get dressed, etc. At night when I try to say prayers with my daughter, she sarcastically says them, until I say that we don’t talk to Heavenly Father that way and I send her to bed w/o finishing or I say them for her. They both also constantly say that they hate church and that they don’t want to go to my church anymore and ask why they have to go to church. I constantly tell them that we want to go to heaven and we can only go there if we learn about what Jesus and Heavenly Father want us to do and we must learn this at church. Since my husband left the church, I have encouraged him to go to church, even if it is not an LDS church. I have been very supportive, but he says that he feels silly going by himself and won’t go without his family.
For a couple of years, we have been great friends with an exceptionally nice Baptist Youth Minister and his family. He is accepting of me being Mormon (which most protestants are not) and my husband being an atheist. Over the years, the youth minister has grown on my husband and he recently talked my reluctant husband into going to see a nationally renowned Baptist speaker. My husband went and loved it. With this and other experiences my husband had, he said a couple of months ago that he wanted to attend their church, but will not go w/o his family.
Right now I am worried about my children’s spiritual growth. I am not only afraid that they won’t be Mormon, but that they will be atheists with no morals. I just feel that I really need the support of both my husband and I to raise these children to be Christian. I know that if we attended church together, my husband would help control them, as he does quite well. Thus, I have considered just going to the Baptist church with my family and my husband has agreed that he will go with me every Sunday and I believe he will. If he did not keep up his end of the bargain, I would just return to the LDS meetings.
Today I told my bishop and he is less than thrilled with the idea. He tells me that he can’t tell me what to do, but that he doesn’t think it is a good decision. He wants me to pray about it and tell me what I decide. I know that he cannot understand b/c he has never been in a situation like mine. I don’t think that he realizes what grave consequences my current situation can have on my children and he says I need to think about my own salvation. Isn’t my own children’s spirituality important too, I am thinking to myself.
Please give me your opinions on my current dilemma. I would appreciate objectivity and trying to place yourself in my shoes. My children are really shallow and spiritually empty.

Elder Wirthlin

I just heard that Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin passed away. I'm sad to see him go. What do you guys think of it? Do you have any favorite Wirthlin Memories?

Why aren't temple ceremonies in the book of mormon?

I am a lurker and a rare poster on this blog. I am active in the church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints, but I have some tough doubts. I remain active for the sake of my little family. Although my husband and I didn’t have a prenuptial agreement, I think our continued activity in the church was definitely part of our unwritten, assumed contract. Also, I have a lot of respect for the church and appreciation for the parts of the gospel that I understand and have a testimony of (that Jesus Christ is our Savior, the atonement allows us to repent and draw nearer to Him, we have Heavenly Parents who love us, God answers prayers, etc.)
My doubts started when I first went to the temple. My experience was miserable. Sort of like Joseph Smith describes the feeling of being attacked by Satan while praying, except the feeling never went away while I was in there. I don’t dare go into more detail about how I felt for fear it would offend people who have felt the opposite. Basically, every time I’ve gone to the temple, I have not felt the spirit, to say the least. I did go to the temple worthily, and I had a very strong testimony at the time. I had been warned that the temple was probably going to be different than I expected, and I went in prepared to have the right attitude and humility.
I went to the temple several times in preparation for my mission, and also during my mission, and I went in preparation for my marriage. Things got worse and worse each time I went. No matter how much I prayed and studied, the experience kept getting uglier and uglier. I felt sick to my stomach on my wedding day, but I did my wedding in the temple because that was what was expected of me, and it was what my husband wanted to do. I have not been back since. I finally decided, through prayer and scripture study and meditation, that my testimony was damaged more and more every time I went there. I could not continue going to the temple without facing some serious doubts about things I had believed.
Without going into details, I’ll say that there were specific things about the ceremony that made me uncomfortable, but that wasn’t all. There was an overwhelming dread and sickness in the pit of my stomach, as well. I don’t think that even having every intellectual answer about the temple ceremony would change things. My whole life I’ve listened to my heart and to the spirit to know what is good and true. Now those who would like to resolve my doubts are telling me that what I felt wasn’t the spirit, because the spirit only creates good feelings. I know that. What I want to know is why I don’t feel the spirit confirming the truth of what is the most important doctrine in our beliefs.
But, that’s still not my question. The question has been in my mind vaguely for quite a long time, but it finally surfaced and I put words to it this weekend. Unfortunately, I asked it to my husband- big mistake. Whenever I ask him this type of question it threatens his testimony and he gets defensive and upset. I still feel like I need to ask it to someone, though, and I think the bloggers and visitors on this blog seem like my best hope for a loving, insightful response.
So, here goes: Why aren’t temple ceremonies mentioned in the Book of Mormon and Bible?
Please don’t say it’s because they are too sacred. I’m not talking about the actual wording in the ceremonies, or other things that we’re told not to reveal outside the temple. I’m just talking about the stuff we hear about every day nowadays in church magazines, general conference talks, and relief society meetings. Why doesn’t the Book of Mormon say “the most important thing you can do is to be married in the temple and sealed to your family for eternity,” or “without temple ordinances you can’t reach the highest degree of heaven,” or any other mention of the purpose of temples? In the Bible, temples are not described as a place like we have now. (Temple recommends, encouragement of frequent attendance, marriage for eternity, sealing families, work for the dead, etc.)
To be clear, this is not an attempt to damage anyone’s faith, nor is it a closed-minded argument from a nonbeliever. On the contrary, it’s a genuine question from someone who would like to believe but can’t seem to make herself do so.
Here’s one more question: is it possible that the Book of Mormon is true, that Joseph Smith was chosen by God as a modern-day prophet, that God has authorized the Church of Jesus Christ of LDS as His church, and that temples are a misunderstood doctrine or a miscommunication between God and the modern prophets? Ours is not the only church that believes in eternal families, but we are the only church I know of that threatens the breakup of our families if we don’t all meet specific criteria and ordinances. Most people I know (of other religions) believe they will be with their families again in heaven, but they don’t marry in temples.I feel like the spirit has confirmed for me the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ, the Bible, the Book of Mormon, and the importance of living righteously. Based on my experience for the past 10 years (trying to make myself believe in temple ordinances,) I don’t expect that the spirit will ever confirm the importance of temple ordinances to me.
No matter what happens, I’m going to do my best to continue to live by the good values that I learned as a member of the church, and I will stay active for my family. Sometimes it’s tough because I feel like a hypocrite (especially when they keep calling me to leadership positions- and they know about my doubts!) but I think it’s the right thing to do. Still, any light you can shed on this for me would sure be a big help!

Sister Bully

I can remember exactly when Sister Bully entered my life. A new family had moved into the ward and didn’t know many people. They asked to come over for a visit to see the work we were doing on our backyard. While visiting with them, I turned to the wife and asked where she would be working. She looked surprised. “I don’t work” she coldly responded. I scrambled mentally. Did I inadvertently stumble on some issue about women working?I backtracked a little. Here was an obviously well educated woman so I tried a different tack. “Getting a degree while married and raising a family is tough. Where did you get your degree?” The frozen look on her face and her response chilled me. ” I don’t have a DEGREE” was the forced reply from her lips. The heavy emphasis on the word degree let me know that I was once again a conversational idiot. I tried to smooth things over, but our visitors excused themselves. When they left I felt unsettled. I had this terrible feeling that I had unintentionally made an enemy, one that was dangerous. I learned just how dangerous when we were placed in a calling together. This calling began my two-year odyssey into hell. Sister Bully saw me only as an obstacle, something to get through as quickly as possible. Intimidation was her modus operandi.
Her favorite form of communication involved glaring at me. She also used manipulation and sabotage to control me. She would conveniently “forget” commitments she made that were vital to my calling. She would not tell me things that were necessary for me to function in my calling. She heavily criticized my ideas until eventually I stopped offering them. Everything had to be approved by her first. Even silly things like taking cookies to people. If I taught a lesson she would make it a point to leave the room and not return. Her hostility was intense and pervasive.
My health suffered. I was plagued by chronic fatigue, joint pain, hair falling out, migraines, and insomnia. I began having panic attacks at church. I started to have heart palpitations, pain in my chest, and numbness in my left arm. A cardiologist pronounced my heart healthy but stated: “Maybe you should think about a new line of work. This seems to be in your head. Your body is trying to tell you something is wrong.”
I wanted to tell him that my problem was not work related stress but church related stress. I wanted to tell him that it wasn’t in my head, but in my broken heart. The stress of dealing with Sister Bully was destroying my physical and mental health.
When I finally approached my leaders about my experience they were mystified. I understand. Their relationship with this sister is normal. Bullies choose their victims with care. People with church “status” were not targets and never would be. Bullies have a very keen sense of self-preservation. Like the bully at school who doesn’t display his foulness before the teacher, Sister Bully developed a very convincing “public face” of piety. I withdrew from church activity when I realized that church would continue to be a place of torment for me.
Last week, out of the blue, my husband turned to me and said: “I remember when Sister Bully began to hate you.” I looked at him in surprise. He avoids the topic as it has already caused our family too much heartache. He came over to me and put his arms around me. “It was in the backyard when you asked her about getting a degree and she did not have one. At that moment you became a threat. It was illogical and not your fault.” I cried. At least one person gets it.

Doin' the Nasty with a Coach Bag

In the past few weeks two of my friends have confessed to infidelity. To make it even worse, they’ve both been doing it at the mall. One of them was kind enough to spell out the details of a particularly sordid episode where she admitted to feeling a little low about herself on the day in question, which happens when you’re a woman like us- a mother who puts her children and husband first and who rarely gets the chance to dress up and go out all while watching your youth fade away in the vanity mirror. Plus, some days your kids are more than you can stand so you feel like rewarding yourself for not killing them—yet. So, you run out looking for a not-so-cheap thrill.
“Feeling bad about yourself happens,” I reassured her, “After awhile you start to wonder what’s happened to, well- you, and off to the mall you go looking for redemption only to find temptation. Before you know it, you’ve picked up a new toy, one you’ll put in the closet for a few weeks, then pull out and hope your husband doesn’t notice.” Unfortunately for me, I picked an opinionated metrosexual husband who notices such things. “Yes,” she agreed, “That’s how it started, except now I’m doing it all the time and it’s costing us a fortune. Jake (name change to protect the innocent) wonders why we can barely keep up with the mortgage.”
The experts call what she’s doing financial infidelity and maybe some of you will recognize that you’ve also got a cheating heart. My friend’s vice is designer bags, but she tells her husband they’re from Target, since he won’t know the difference and she pays all the bills so he doesn’t see those either. Now I’ve had financial affairs, but never with a big-ticket item because, well, I’m too cheap. My secret vice is buying overpriced European chocolate bars and eating them in my minivan before I have to go home and share, but they say chocolate is the gateway to more serious crimes, so I’m trying to stop…
So, are you having a financial affair? With whom- Louie V, Versace, Coach? What advice do you give to friend who is stealing her family’s financial future for a fashion season of name-brand vachetta leather rubbing against her chest?

Help Me Understand

There’s a question I’ve been asking myself for awhile now, but can’t seem to find a real answer. Maybe you can help me. It can be illustrated with this quote from the Church’s website:
With his wife as an equal partner, he (the priesthood holder) presides in righteousness and love, serving as the family’s spiritual leader.
I’m honestly not trying to be funny or intentionally difficult, I just have a hard time understanding how this is supposed to work. Equal and presides (as used in this quotation) just don’t seem compatible to me. Can one person preside (and be the leader, as also used in this quotation) in any situation and there still be equality? Even if that leader/presider is righteous and loving, don’t those two words indicate some kind of power/authority over someone else? And if so, how can they then be equal?I guess it bothers me as an unresolved (in my mind) concept rather than as a practice in my own home, for which I am extremely grateful for the husband I have. I feel equal to him. I lead in the home as much as he does. I never feel he pulls the ‘presiding’ card on me. But it is something that is taught often in church, that the priesthood holder presides and his wife is his equal partner. It’s a question that my mind has churned over many times, so I sincerely ask your opinions on how these can both be true at the same time.

Pictures

How do you make pictures on your blog REALLY big? I can only select "large" when I download them and I'd like to make them bigger. How?

Blog

Do you blog for other people? I know this sounds weird, but when you are creating a post are you thinking of a select group of people that will read it and what they will think of you? For example, I have 30 some odd friends who blog. But every time I publish a post, I think of this girl (who happens to be my husband's ex and my dear friend) and what she will think of my post. I only post pictures where I feel that I "look good" and so on. I think it's ridiculous but I'm always doing this. Do you do this? Are you super aware of what people read/think/perceive you as?

Toddler Discipline...Help!

I have REALLY been losing patience with my toddler lately, and I don't know what to do. I find myself feeling SO angry at him...to the point that I seriously just want to smack him. Yes, I know how horrible that sounds. The situation that makes the most angry is when he gets into things/touches things that he knows he's not supposed to touch. When we start out in the morning - I am pretty calm and deal with him kindly but consistently. But as the day goes on, I find myself starting to swat his hand or spank his bottom. I hate this about myself and I hate the ugliness that I feel when I do it. But I just can't seem to get through to him and get him to behave. I DON'T expect perfection out of him, I really don't! But I hate it when he knows he shouldn't do something, and he does it anyway. I've tried time outs, and he just doesn't seem to "get it" yet. I just feel that no matter what I do, he won't listen to me. How in the world should I discipline him!? I love him so much, and I hate that I sometimes make him my enemy. I want him to know that I love him and respect him. What should I do?

Trying to Conceive

My Husband and I have been trying for about six months now. We are both young and healthy and I know that it can take time. I also know it's easier when you're not stressed, but not stressing out is easier said then done. Any tips/tricks? Should I be worried?

Have I Done the Right thing?

We have all been there and seen it. I saw it again today in my ward- spanking a child because they are – you know, being a child, trying to sit in sacrament meeting. I get that having a child in sacrament meeting helps to model them into “appropriate” adult behavior. I am okay with this. I get that children are children and make noise and don’t like to sit still for an hour. I am okay with this- frankly, I there are times when would rather be playing with those toy cars than listening to a dull speaker. I get that parents a) don’t find the speaker boring and want to listen –or- b) are embarrassed that they have one of “those” children who speaks, rather than the mute Mormon child they must have dreamed about.

To be clear, I am personally opposed to hitting a child in general- and by hit, I mean all of those words that mean to strike someone, so hit, slap, smack, spank, swat, or any of those other words people use to hide the fact that they are striking another human with physical force. Being opposed to hitting anyone except for medical necessity, I see that hitting of the child as the most un-Christlike behavior imaginable.

Here is the scenario- last Sunday, I went to church. After I sat down, I noticed a bit of dog poo on my shoe- not much, but a little I had trod in at some point. I gratefully did not see a path of poo leading to my shoes, and I didn’t smell anything, so I assumed it was old or maybe not poo at all. After the sacrament, I excused myself to go wash the shoe and verify if I needed to clean up a “trail”. Done and done. So I sat in the foyer listening to the meeting as to not re-enter and perhaps disturb. Two other women were there with toddlers- children who were quiet, but the young mothers wanted to catch up and found this to be the time and place. I am fine with that.
The third speaker is on a roll and suddenly, a mother bursts into the foyer dragging a three-year old boy by the arm. SHE slams the door to the chapel, lifts the child by his arm and begins to spank the child repeatedly until he is sobbing. She then loudly scolds him, “You should never say that in church!” He sobs, “I’m sorry Mommy”, tears rolling down. One of the other women sitting with a toddler notices my shocked look. She says as if to reassure me, “she’s a good mother.” Me, being… well, ME says, “hitting your child makes you a good mother?”
The spanking mother has not noticed or is ignoring me. The child is crying and saying, ‘I am sorry Mommy. Mommy, I’m sorry.” Her response? She drags him a yard away and hits him several times again, then tells him to be quiet or she’ll get Daddy. Because his sobbing is not silent, she keeps spanking him telling him to be quiet. I am freaking out on the inside- horrified, nauseous, angry, scared, wishing I had some dog poo to throw at her… Not to able to take it anymore, I decide to run. I run away. I am a coward.

I grab my bag, and say clearly, “I can’t be around someone who is beating their child into submission.” And I walk out. I probably made a loud noise opening the door the escape the building, but I can’t remember. I hate myself for being a coward and I am angry. I am not sure if my anger is at me, for running away, or at the mother for doing this to her child.
If I saw this at a school, store, restaurant or playground, I would report it to the police. I have done so in the past. It was not one single strike followed by a time out. I witnessed the mother drag the child, then spank him five or so times, then dragging him again by one arm and repeating it. Three separate spanking ‘sessions’ until I left. And I did nothing. I sat in the car trying to calm down. I get my phone out to call the police and make a report- and put it away almost instantly. I cower because I am at church. If I invite people to church, I should be handing them a book of Mormon and singing the praises- not calling the police to report what I had just witnessed.

Determined to leave and never come back to this place of evil, where people hit their children I drive almost all the way home. Then I remember. I have a Temple recommend interview. I love my temple recommend. I love the temple. I need- NEED- the solace of the temple. Especially after witnessing what I did. How dare this woman take this from me? How dare this woman strike her child so much that all I feel is anger and utter negatively? Isn’t church supposed to be a safe haven from the violence of the world? Why do I have to witness this in what should be a sanctuary?

I want a temple recommend. Breathing in, I return and sit in the car until my meeting with the Bishop, and all seems to be getting back to clam in my head, though not in my heart. After the interview, I see the non-spanking mother of the toddler in the foyer again. In an effort to not feel as crazy as I still do, I say to her, “sorry about that before, I just have to leave when people are hitting children.” She says, “Well, its better you left then,” and walks away in a huff. Apparently, I was disruptive. Sitting quietly in my dog-poo-less shoes, then leaving—- is LESS REVERENT than someone who slams the chapel door and repeatedly hits their child while screaming at the child to be quiet?

I stay until meeting with the Stake President. Like my meeting with the Bishop, I say nothing to him, trying to focus on the recommend. But I am disturbed. I am so bothered that I can’t concentrate on personal emails, so I try to lose myself in work. Finally speaking to a ‘Kindred Spirit’ in the ward, I tell her what happened. She tells me that if it happens again, I should step in. With tears in my eyes, I admit to her that I am a coward. Why would this woman hitting her child listen to me? She would yell at me that I don’t understand and to mind my own business, right? My beloved Kindred Spirit Friend says, “Then come and get me, and we will stop her together.” She also recommends that I tell the Bishop.

I don’t want to be a tattle tale, but two days later tell the Bishop. Having worked as a teacher, I supposed I feel a greater sense of obligation. By this time, I feel more empathetic towards the young mother, but I fear what goes on in their home when Daddy is added. If they treat a child like this in public, what do they do in private? And I am too disgusted with her to want to be associated with her as a fellow church member, much less as a mentor. I confess to the Bishop that I am still considering making a police report. But…. This is church! I am supposed to be a missionary, not the one who invites the police to label Mormons as child-beaters. The Bishop promises me that he will speak frankly and firmly to this mother on Sunday, and adds, “But if you feel like you have to report this to the police, that is up to you.” He means it. Having not witnessed it, he believes me, supports me and respects my decision.
I have since opted to not make the police report, but to document everything in my diary, including the follow up meeting with the Bishop. Should I see this mother strike her child repeatedly again, I will report it. I just hope to God that it won’t be at church. Cowardly, passive-aggressive or simply delusional: Have I done the right thing?

The Great Sin

This is what C.S Lewis called pride in his book, Mere Christianity. I’d been thinking about this several weeks ago as we were reading about the pride cycle for Sunday School, and after some of the comments suggested that parents do some things for show. Lewis says that the reason that pride is ‘the great sin’ is because at it’s core, it’s competitive. Because of pride we try and get one up on those we should be serving. Of pride he said:

"There is no fault which makes a man unpopular, and no fault of which we are more unconcious of in ourselves. And the more we have it in ourselves, the more we dislike it in others…Unchastity, anger, greed, drunkenness, and all that, are mere fleabites in comparison: it was through Pride that the devil became the devil: Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind…Pride is competitive by its very nature: that is why it goes on and on."

I think Lewis may be right. I know at times I’m guilty of this, and I know at times I’ve seen it in church. And in many problems/incidents/offences that happen amongst members, thinking we are/know better than someone else can often be at the root of the problem. The one sentence that stands out to me is that pride “is the complete anti-God state of mind”. If this is true, and if it is true that pride leads to every other vice, then when trying to improve myself, I have to conquer pride and the rest will follow. This sounds easy to say it, but I think is infinitely harder to do. President Benson called it a grave concern in the church, and said (also see here where he seems to agree with Lewis)
In the scriptures there is no such thing as righteous pride. It is always considered as a sin. We are not speaking of a wholesome view of self-worth, which is best esablished by a close relationship with God. But we are speaking of pride as the universal sin, as someone has described it… Essentially pride is a “my-will” rather than “thy-will” approach to life.
Elder Condie coupled pride with discouragement as the “two major satanic strategies”, that all other temptations can be covered by. What do you think about these points of view? What is proper pride? How do we make sure pride doesn’t become conceit, arrogance or haughtiness? Is there such a thing as righteous pride or is all pride to be avoided? Can pride be anything other than selfish?

Santa

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Complete Family?

Do you feel like your family is complete or that you should have had or will have more children?